- In the "Mistaken Proctor" the writer does a great job of explaining. The writer explains the problem he/she had since he/she was little and how it continued throughout his/her life. It makes the essay flow.
- in "A Dreamer's Reflections on the Waking World" the writer describes EVERYTHING. The writing is very clear and i could imagine it like a movie in my head. Especially the part he saves the kid from falling.
- Very interesting on how the writer compares him in his dream with God. The writer played God in his own dream. This ends his essay very well. He states "we don't need to wait or hope for some powerful and benevolent creature to save us from the world. That we only need ourselves."
- "Dont take it for granted" had great dialog. Added to the narrative because It put the reader in the situation.
- The example from her friend who had a drug problem provided a great argument to her narrative. It showed the true meaning of friendship and how strong their bonds were.
- I need to add a lot of detail in my dialog. In part where I am talking to Willie, I just simply end it the discussion.
- I need to make my reference points flow together. It seems like I just jump into a situation.
- Very vague. I didn't go into full explanation of points. I could have described how I felt, what it mean, why it happened?
- I gave all my lessons away in an obvious way. I just told a story and explained what it meant.
- Main problem: DESCRIBE DESCRIBE DESCRIBE. Scene selection is good and little lessons in story are appropriate.
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